Reflecting on Our COVID-19 Journey

Good morning!

Normally I answer your questions on Friday but I’m going to hold those over until next week.  Today I want to share some of the highlights of an event I participated in yesterday to memorialize our COVID-19 experience.

The event was “Through Shadow and Light: Reflections on Our COVID-19 Journey.”  You may have heard about this or seen the video already.  If you haven’t seen it, I hope you’ll find an opportunity to watch it over the next few days.  It’s about 43 minutes long, but virtually every second is packed with meaning.

The idea for this event originated a few months back when a group of Medical Center leaders were thinking about ways to honor those who have died from COVID-19 under our care.  But we were still early in the pandemic, finding our way, not really knowing what the future held, so this event was put on hold.

As the months passed, and the deaths mounted, and the fatigue grew, and the pandemic has worn on day after day, it became clear that we needed some way to find meaning – and hope – in this extraordinary experience.

In early September, we found ourselves approaching two milestones:  200 patient lives lost to COVID-19 at UMMC, and 1,500 recovered patients restored to their lives and families.   We also felt it was important to honor the work of all those at UMMC – front-line caregivers and support staff who make their work possible – who have given so much of themselves in service to others.

Yesterday’s event was, forgive the cliché, just what the doctor ordered. Ten participants (in addition to me) offered brief remarks that were so touching, genuine and heartfelt.  They fit together like an intricate puzzle to provide healing and hope.

Here are a few of the highlights:

Doris Whitaker, director of pastoral services:  “I want to reflect on the ministry of presence – that is being present with our patients.  Hearing them, watching them, bearing witness with them, watching vigil over them.  Presence is the ministry of the human touch, the human element in health care.  I want you to know that our COVID patients did not die alone.  The staff of the University of Mississippi Medical Center – we were with them.  We were in it for the long haul.  Your family might not have been present but our UMMC family was actively present in our patients' lives.”

Dr. Joshua Mann, chair of the Department of Preventive Medicine and director of the Office of Well-being:  Dr. Mann discussed the relevance of Victor Frankl, the survivor of a Nazi concentration camp and the author of “Man’s Search for Meaning,” to the pandemic.

A famous quote of Dr. Frankl’s is this:  “Everything can be taken from a man except one thing, the last of the human freedoms, to choose one’s attitude, and in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Said Dr. Mann:  “These are extremely difficult times, but highly important and highly meaningful.  I’m grateful for this opportunity to honor all of you who have made the choice to work diligently to help those impacted by COVID-19, even putting yourselves at risk.”

Dr. Andrew Wilhelm, medical director of the Medical Intensive Care Unit:  “The public and the media call us heroes.  I speak for many when I say that we do not feel like heroes.  We may practice with courage and resolve, and thankfully most of our patients go home.  Those days in the ICU when patients go home make us feel good.  Other days are more humbling.”

Dr. Risa Moriarity, executive vice chair of emergency medicine:  “The emergency department is always an intimidating and fearsome place for patients.  But the pandemic has made the emergency department a sometimes intimidating and fearsome place for us, too.  We are accustomed to welcoming the unknown.  We pride ourselves on being prepared for anything.  But the pandemic has challenged us.”

Dr. Driscoll Devaul, director of respiratory and pulmonary services:  “We’re thankful for the 1,444 patients that were able to resume their lives and transition home after discharge, but as respiratory therapists, we share in the grief for those 189 members who lost their lives under our care.  Through their loss we vow to become stronger as team members.”

Matthew Harris, registered nurse in the MICU:  “There was a young man dying of COVID in the ICU.  His wife couldn’t be there because of distance and sometimes things happen quickly and we can't get family up here in time.  We called his wife to let her know what was going on and she wanted to tell him goodbye.  So we put the phone in a biohazard bag and placed it next to his pillow and put it on speaker so she could talk to him.  She told him goodbye and when she hung up the phone seconds later his heart stopped.  So moments after she had told him goodbye we had to call her right back and tell her that he had passed.  She wasn’t able to get the same closure that she would have had being there next to his side and being able to hold his hand.  And that's just one story of the many that we've experienced in the last six or seven months.”

Dr. Keith Mansel, director of Palliative Care Services:  Dr. Mansel shared a quote by Thomas Merton, “You do not need to know precisely what is happening or exactly where it is all going.  What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith and hope.”  Dr. Mansel read a series of comments – bits of wisdom – spoken by COVID patients to the palliative care team.  Among them are:  “Be kind whenever possible; it’s always possible to be kind.”  And “Don’t let the coronavirus get your cornbread.”

Dr. Scott Rodgers, chair of the Department of Psychiatry and Human Behavior:  “If we are going to see our way through this crisis - and we are going to see our way through it - we must dig deep within ourselves and find the emotional reserve needed to continue persevering, to continue seeking solutions to the problems we face, to continue trusting in our medical center’s leaders and in each other, and to stand tall and proud as we face each day, with the understanding that our patients need us, our families need us, our colleagues need us, and our own health and well being need us.”  

Dr. Ralph Didlake, associate vice chancellor for academic affairs and director of the Center for Bioethics and Medical Humanities:  “Memorials don’t need to be stone monuments or brass plaques or even formal affairs. A memorial can be as simple as taking quiet time to reflect, or to read a work of literature that might help inform one’s perspective, or to appreciate a well-wrought poem, or experience the healing effects of a work of visual art or a piece of music.  Each such small act of memorialization helps us, as humans, to put the difficulties we encounter in our lives into meaningful context. Doing so gets us closer to seeing and ultimately accepting not only what we have lost but also what we have gained through difficult experiences.”

Dr. Charles O’Mara, associate vice chancellor for clinical affairs:  “Valuable lessons have been learned, about ourselves and about the strength and capabilities of us all working together for a common purpose.  These lessons will serve us well, both individually and as a great health care organization, in facing challenges and responsibilities in the future, for the remainder of and beyond this pandemic.  Thus, we look forward, over the horizon, to a very bright future…a future in which we are all strengthened by previous experiences and by lessons learned.”

I’m afraid I’ve only scratched the surface here; you’ll have to watch the video to experience the full effect, and I hope that you do, at a time when you can quietly reflect on it.

For me, I will just say this:  I have NEVER been so proud to be a part of and to lead this institution than I have these last months.  I thank you for what you have done these last months and what you will continue to do in the coming months.  You have given us your best, and shown what it means to be #UMMCStrong.